looking out of a window waiting for a time to leave the group.

Wednesday, January 18, 2012

make it a quick post. hmm...! i make my mistake by falling for someone. heard of a word felling in love. it's really a word fall to represent that. thats a punishment for me to face.


i will never fell in love ever again, those are lies for Christ sake. no more! any next trap i should avoid and beware from falling to it. i gonna meditate through thoroughly in cleansing my heart and mine up, gonna pray real hard like before how i used to go through those same old feeling and same old disappointment. till the complete cleans and loose of mine comes; i will hold on to the principle of not trusting any lies.

once i like a person; my heart goes on crazily for that person so persistently. something i make take note never start any developing of any feelings for anyone. they will deceive me with lies like a serpent.

1 thing i have to also take note; im too soft hearted. give in to people easily, people beg me i offer. i got monthly tie to the orphanage, every month the the money in my bank will be deducted go to the orphanage. some time i give in till i forfeit myself. i should start being wise and think twice.

i think im done with all my dept and promise, promise to buy gift for people and promise to pay people back for the favor. now im free to leave some how. i gonna leave to a place where no 1 can bother me, especially those ITE group people.

hmm..! something come to my mine; the gold fish i bought as a gift for people had died. 2 of it died, normal for a owner who don't bother to find out how to take care of that life; causing the life to die.

if a person were to put their heart and mine in treasuring that gift could have go to the net to research on full detail of how to take care of the gift. thats show that; there's bother less.

something that make me sad and make me mad about it. i wouldn't wanna react out. my pride causing me to stay cool. but deep in me i am actually crying.

you know man don't cry in people eye.

i waited with patient and not wanting to rush things up, giving chance to develop and focus on what's important to be done, by the way it isn;t a time yet and it suddenly seems to me it wasn't the right one.

i gonna go back to be who i really is, it's time to catch up with friends who i neglected. since i had already got my license, i need to buy a bike and travel down with convenient to catchup with my old friend who i didn't hang out for so long. been spending too much time on the ITE group, now im some how done there. i should get a permission to leave.

i isn't gonna hold back there stucking in people advice. now i gonna do what i suppose to do for very long. i stopped what i wanna do for years just because of getting hold back trying to work in that ITE group. any way i done with it.

thats my ITE group photo, which i made:

this is my final task complete this photo and post, this can be a memory for me to see when ever im not there.

it may seems foolish but you won't understand whats in my mine, because you wasn't me at all.

my mine currently now started to think alot and making me aware. who ever give me a smile or try to cheer me up; seems fake to me, that fake smile and cheer can be found in macdonald or other customer service outlet.

that welcome to service!; remind me of going to a restaurant to eat, where the waiter welcome me.

that encouragement seems to me like as if, their forced to do so.

time to keep my eye away from those problem that caused me to like that. that particular person who blow my mine up is someone who i should keep my eye away from.

only solution is to welcome those people who will cheer me up. thats will be better for me.

i cannot be in a area where will bring me those idiotic memory and awkwardness. farewell to all those people, i gonna take a step out soon; now im packing up my heart and stuff to leave the group. i have to go back to my old friend to hang out with them regularly.

TOBIAS is someone who really hard for me to leave him. God placed such a good leader to guide me, im really glad. i been persevering in serving because i can't bare to leave a God given leader unofficially.

i had given everyone the previous photo i made and the gold fish which i promise to; im actually about to leave. due to youth transfer come into the group, i got new final task to be done. giving them this new photo that i made before i can leave.

gonna seek for what God want me to do, i cannot hold there wasting everyone time. i cannot be there where everything seems to be fake to me.

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